Friday, February 4, 2011

when to keep my mouth shut

Being a social worker is hard work. Hard, but something I'm definitely good at. I love the fact that sometimes my job description requires me to be a gigantic pain in the ass and that I get to do this with my social work ethics backing me up. How many people get to say that? I think advocacy is something that is fast becoming lost in today's society. Why else would we have such a problem with bullying? If we taught our kids to speak up for others instead of making politics the reason for our lack of courage maybe it would be less destructive. Maybe we'd all have a little more pride in ourselves, maybe we'd even see the changes we believe someone else should be making.

How does this fit in with being a pilot's wife, you ask? Because often as the spouses we hear the injustices our partners endure in order to keep their job. Some pilots are lucky enough to be represented by a union, but by and large the smaller carriers are not and their pilots get hosed. Such is the case at my husbands work: for months the work rules have been changed to fit his company's needs, but they don't comply with the policy manual they have provided their employees. What does that mean? That means that they are not keeping up their end of the contract they have with their employees. In the past when this has happened I opened myself up to challenge his previous employer, I even encouraged the wives to get involved. In short I became the lightning rod that his company targeted when they sought to dismiss him. As a social worker and an advocate my decision seemed appropriate, after all, the wives have as much to gain or lose from a company that chooses to disregard their employees. As a pilot, I just gave his employer a reason to fire him for inciting unrest with his colleagues and without the protection of a union they were able to fire him. Because of ME! That's a pretty big burden to bear, especially since we were in the middle of planning a wedding, he was unemployed and involved in a protracted legal mess with this company. The issue became much bigger and much more real as far as advocacy is concerned. Believe me when I say there is a lot of guilt and anger. As a result, his former colleagues shut up, quit fighting, and the dissatisfied ones left in droves.

We met with them several months later, his former chief pilot and wife were there along with several other former colleagues. Guess what happened. The guys would talk to us, mostly about shop stuff that wasn't meant to exclude me but did because of the topic. The wives? The wives actually sat with their back to me and ignored me for the two hours we spent at dinner. Not an exaggeration, the only words uttered were "hello"followed by a pointed turning away from me in their seat. What could have caused this? Me and my big mouth, plus the fact that I had "betrayed" my spouse by trying to help and then getting him fired. The judgement was pretty swift and boy was it harsh.

Thinking about now and the current situation my husband finds himself in, it is absolute misery for me. I can handle some bitchy women who think of me as a traitor and can't bother having enough manners to engage in social pleasantries because they dislike my actions. What I can't stand is feeling powerless because I can't help, or I risk more backlash directed at my husband. Sure I can direct the conversation about resources, but I can't offer myself as a resource or a representative. AGONY! Then comes the part where as a spouse you listen and then can't do anything or risk retribution by his company. I want to be an advocate, I really do, I have a serious problem with observing injustice and all it does is make me want to fight. Prior experiences, however, have taught me that regardless of my wish I just have to keep my mouth shut. Boy does that leave a bitter taste.

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